How do you quit, no, how do you shut down, that little nagging voice telling you that you can’t achieve your goals, that you’ll never figure out your diabetes, that you will never drop those 10 lbs., that you’re not good enough, that you don’t deserve the life you dream of?
Do you ever just doubt your abilities or feel anxious about making a tough decision? I know I do. I think it’s a part of being human. We may try to be superheroes, and might even convince the world that we are, but in the end, even the strongest of us will sometimes face situations and emotions that seem overwhelming.
So, instead of breaking down, throwing in the towel, or simply ignoring the hard times, how about we tackle those challenges head-on and emerge even stronger on the other side? I believe that empowerment comes from a strong mind and a strong body. Just like proper exercise will strengthen your body, the right tools will strengthen your mind.
One such tool is Positive Inner Talk. Positive Inner Talk offers a way to put your insecurities into perspective and address them in an objective way, rather than addressing them with fear. Research has shown that by utilizing this method, we have the potential to be more successful in reaching our goals, minimizing social anxiety, and worrying less (Psychology Today, May/June 2015 issue).
OK, so what is Positive Inner Talk?
Positive Inner Talk is an inner dialog that can help you set yourself up for success. It’s a way of looking at your struggles from a distance, taking the emotion out of the situation.
By putting words to the challenges you face, and getting some distance from the sometimes overwhelming emotions, you gain the ability to handle the challenges you face in a rational and productive way.
It’s a powerful tool for people dealing with stress, eating disorders or anxiety, but it’s also very useful if you are just trying to stick to a tough meal plan or workout routine, or dealing with your diabetes on a day to day basis.
(There is also a self-hypnosis program called Inner Talk. That is NOT what I’m talking about here.)
How Positive Inner Talk works
There are three main steps to successfully using Positive Inner Talk:
- Address yourself by your first name in order to separate your feelings from the task at hand. Don’t say “I” since that is emotionally binding and won’t separate you from the stress you are feeling
- Articulate what you would like to happen. It can be as simple as “Christel, get on the treadmill and walk for 20 min. It doesn’t have to be fast, just one foot in front of the other”
- Finish off with self-affirmation, to give yourself a confidence boost
Let me give you a few complete examples, so you’ll find it easier to apply yourself:
When it comes to A1c, we can often get really stressed out and anxious about reaching whatever goal we or our medical team might have set for us. We get so hung up on the number that every blood sugar measure can become nerve wrecking, and, in the worst-case scenario, we’ll stop testing.
Here’s an example of how I would address this issue with Positive Inner Talk:
“Christel, why are you so stressed out about this one BG reading? You have a plan for reaching your A1C goal, you’re counting your carbs and taking your insulin. Relax! One or two readings outside your target range won’t sabotage your progress. You’re doing great; just continue down your path.”
Another example is when we place our family or friends’ needs before our own, thereby forgetting ourselves. We sometimes feel guilty if we focus on ourselves rather than those around us.
Here’s how I’d deal with that using Positive Inner Talk:
“Christel, your stress levels are extremely high right now. Allow yourself to meditate, go for a walk or get a massage. It’s ok to spend time focusing on yourself. It will do both you and your family good. You are a strong woman who has lots of balls in the air right now and you need “me” time. You’re doing a great job for everybody. Now go do something nice for yourself.”
Then, there are situations where your willpower is tested. Like when you are trying to stick to a meal plan and somebody brings doughnuts to the office. Here’s how I’d tackle that:
“Christel, why do you keep obsessing about that doughnut? You really don’t want to eat it, so let’s drink a glass of water or go for a walk and concentrate on getting some work done. You know that you choose what you eat, and you have been successful in doing so. Good job, just keep going.”
I’ve even used Positive Inner Talk successfully when I got harsh personal criticism and wasn’t able to rid myself of that sick feeling or knot in my stomach. It’s about acknowledging that you are in an uncomfortable situation, analyzing it (should I do something about this? Is there something I can learn here?), and finally accepting it (letting it go).
Do it deliberately. Talk it out in front of the mirror. Look yourself in the eyes and have an honest conversation. Yes, it will feel completely nuts at first, but I guarantee that you will feel better afterwards.
Suggested next post: Are You Living ‘For’ Diabetes or ‘With’ Diabetes?
Good job on the doughnuts! I love doughnuts and find them hard to resist. But what I have a REAL problem with is Papa Johns! We used to order one every week, but lately I’ve cut back to 1 every other week or so. Can’t have just one. I typically have 3-4 pcs of an XL peperoni.
Had to laugh! Got to work and a fellow diabetic brought three boxes of donuts. I often don’t even see them unless I walk back to the managers office and if I am lucky they are all gone by then. Today a coworker made it a point to tell me they were there. BUT I was ready to remind myself that I had already told myself this morning that I am going to keep up working on this challenge. I wasn’t even tempted.
The last time my foot got bad really fast, it happened two days after I gave in and ate one donut. So really there is no great desire to give in. Between my pep talk this morning to Paula about her foot and your comments about donuts, I was well armed.
Thank you.
Awesome, sounds like this post was perfect timing and you’re in a good place. Of course, we can have donuts, but it has to be because we really want them and not just because they are there.
Oh thanks Christel! I love this post, especially that it is OK for me to have me time. I struggle alot now with always trying to be there for loved ones but then I sacrifice me time in the end. I know there is balance but me time is going to the gym and I realized if I sacrifice gym time for others it isn’t good for my sugars. Also I love the third person! I will definitely try that since today i am sick and it’s better for me to go for a walk vs staying in and resting all day.
I’m glad this resonate with you. You deserve some me time!
Great examples.
I don’t even much like donuts but people bring them to work regularly.
I hadn’t really thought about it but the times I am successful to not even feel temptation are when I talk to myself about why I really don’t want one. I rarely give in, but sometimes the desire is very persistent.
I will be sure to utilize this tool daily for one thing or another. Thank you.
Thanks Paula,
Donuts can really call my name loudly 🙂
Sounds like you’re already practicing positive self-talk! That’s great, keep it up
hej christel, lige i øjet! brugte eksakt dette da jeg holdt op med at ryge cigaretter for 13 år siden!!! HVER morgen foran spejlet; “claus! GLEM DET!! Du kommer ALDRIG til at ryge igen!!! ALDRIG!! Så DROP DET!!!!”.
Rikkeline troede jeg var blevet komplet forstyrret!!!
bruger det siden til “alting”. Lige nu Bikramyoga – det kræver lidt “inner talk” at komme afsted nogle gange.
/claus
Hej Claus
Det var da et skønt case example. Og super at lidt distance til et problem kan hjælpe os med at løse det, også selvom om dem omkring os tror vi har fået royale komplekser.
i love this! What a great idea of speaking in third person, although it may seem silly at first! It’s also nice to know that others are insecure too.
Oh you bet Tove, I have all the insecurities of a normal person. I guess it’s a question of how one tackles them, working on them rather than letting them cripple you. And yes the 3rd person method did seem very regal at first 🙂 but it works!